One F*#ked Up Baby: Toy Story 3

I thought the 1980's had the monopoly on terrifying children, but after seeing Toy Story 3 in 3D and then spending a night dramatically tossing and turning, my dreams riddled with haunted giant possessed baby nightmares, I will stand corrected.

Perhaps you think it's my own fault for throwing money at the Pixar machine and a just punishment for doing so. You're right actually. But since I did, now I'm going to talk about it.

A number of things, in no particular order.

This movie, completely drenched in irony and proudly flexing its immense powers of self referentiality, reads like one long animated pop culture footnote. It made me wonder what kind of children this produces. Eye rolling toddlers, who knew Tickle Me Elmo before he got big? Or will these kids rebel by being earnest?

And then, who is this movie for? It's too dumb to be for adults really. It's too scary and sardonic to be for kids. Maybe these movies are grooming all of us for perpetual tweendom. Convinced of our intelligence like only a seventh grader could be.

The sitcoms of the 80's scared the shit out of me, to be sure. But at least they were trying to scare me into saying NO! to drugs, to not getting in cars with candy offering, child molesting strangers and to not make fun of those who were disabled because they were just like us.

Toy Story seems to relish being terrifying. A possessed giant baby doll, with one permanently lazy eye isn't horrible enough, so let's put it swinging in moonlight and make it's head spin exorcist style. What's the lesson in that? Don't trust your favorite toy, lest it turn on you Pet Semetary style?

I understand the story of Toy Story is supposed to teach us that at some point we must grow up. That a cartoon illuminates that lesson? Irony unavoidable.