THE BLOOMBERG NICKEL

Let me preface this small criticism by saying first, I have a major thing for Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg.  You're hot for Hizzoner too?  Well, take a number sister.  He's mine.  It's a doodle-our-initials-in-my-notebook kind of, read-both-of-our-horoscopes-every-day sort of crush.  He's perfect for me- a Jewish bazillionaire in favor of posting calorie counts and public art?  I'll take two.  

And believe me, our imagined relationship wasn't always easy.  First, he fined restaurants for even the most minor of infractions at a time when I was running a restaurant with the most major infractions.  He banned smoking.  I was smoking, often in the restaurant.  I knew he was doing these things because he cared and so I forgave.  But this latest Metrocard thing is testing my love and I'm having trouble seeing how it's for my own good.  Let me explain.

If you live here in our fine city and take public transport, you are aware of the latest Metrocard debacle.  I realize this isn't directly Bloomberg's fault and more the doing of the infinitely corrupt MTA, but since I see M.B. as omnipotent, it falls to him.  In the good old days of two months ago, it was simple for the non-committal straphanger like myself; those too agoraphobic to require a monthly unlimited pass and yet too poor not to get some kind of  frequent flyer card which rewards you with free rides for buying in bulk.  My standard was the $10 card which bought 5 rides @ $2 and extra ride just for investing.  Clear as mud? 

The incentive card rates have changed.  Now, just as brown is the new black or Queens is the new Brooklyn, $7 is the new $10 card.  It buys you 4 rides, 1 freebie fare and a puzzling and measly 5 cents left on the card.  The city is robbing me one Bloomberg nickel at a time.

As a result, I have no less than six of these orphan 5 cents in my wallet.  I'm on my way to a deck.

This means- and keep in mind I never passed math after the ninth grade- that if I continue to refill one of the orphan cards, it will take 40 refills to equal one fare.  A more adaptable friend of mine deals with the nickel dilemma by using spare change to buy the ride.  But come on- who has the time to coin feed 95 cents when the train is quickly approaching?  And who even carries around 95 cents period?

I am reticent to post this because I fear I'm now that person i.e. the homebound crazy woman who blogs about the MTA and imagined affairs she's having with the Mayor, but in the name of strengthening my bond with M.B. will press PUBLISH now.