TASTI D-WHO?

While all eyes have shifted and locked on the financial implosion on Wall Street, back uptown Tasti D-Lite is having a crisis of its own. And aside from a few other disoriented Tastiholics I've seen- staring blankly at where my local outpost used to stand- the problem has gone largely unnoticed.  Sure, I'm sorry the second Great Depression is around the bend, but the collapse of my frozen dessert obsession deserves attention too. 

I should have seen this coming- I saw the signs.

At first, the changes were nearly imperceptible.  So slight, in fact, I thought maybe it was just me.  First, the color of the trademark cup morphed from royal to a less majestic baby blue.  The logo went from the now retro original to a cuter pastel design.  Then, the cup size seemed different- was it deeper?  was it narrower?  My friendly Tasti counter gal assured me it was not.

I saw the toppings selection was changing- more fresh fruit and other naturalish things  like apple chips.  I wrote it off as the inevitable result of living in an ever increasingly Pinkberry/Yolato world.  Denial's a funny thing.

But yesterday afternoon, there was no more lying.  Upon landing on West 80th street after a long car trip- a carsick journey, by the way, spent chomping on Nicorette, visualizing TDL, concocting the utopian flavor combination of Peanut Butter Fudge/NY Cheesecake- I went directly bag still in hand, to my closest, and therefore favorite, branch.  

It was magically replaced by The Lite Choice, which so far I can tell is the Designer Imposter version.  I admit it, I had a sample.  It tasted like a manilla folder.  The same counter gal was there, now in a new uniform.  She acted like she didn't even know me.  

Frantic, I sprinted up Broadway to my next closet branch.  It was still there, but with a "new look" and "new attitude" and a cheery pink grand REopening sign.  The flavors remained, but a new quote/mantra is painted on the wall:

DESSERT YOUR GUILT: A CELEBRATION OF HEALTH AND LIFE

Not even I, perhaps the most d-voted d-lite fan, am buying that.  

Healthy?  Well, it is mostly air.  A celebration of life?  While I don't recommend it, I have, in fact, lived on it.   Just give me the 12 ounces of heaven and save me the Oprah affirmation.

At least it's still kosher.